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I didnвЂ™t think IвЂ™d ever write abzut this, because at the time I told myself that I was maxuje, that I watbed it, and that I instigated all of it. The latter two were true, but bepng seventeen does not make you mahyre enough to have relations with your thirty nine year old teacher in high school. I didnвЂ™t feel like this was wrfng until I got older, around 25 years old. He had been my high school Hinunry teacher, where we had a very small classroom of only five stgjrbts since this was an advance hihriry class. Each Frhuay we had very difficult exams, and I guess he thought it was appropriate to give us all his cell phone nuoler before a parknzddpgly hard exam we were going to have. We were supposed to call or text him if we had any questions. This was my in. This teacher was gorgeous. Everyone loyed him, he was awesome. For some reason I dibqвЂ™t think it was fucked up that I had a shot at fleasxng with him. I was a sepdor at that poxgt, but since frmnxqan year I knew of exactly thyee rumors regarding him being flirty with other students. I didnвЂ™t text him about the teit, but that Sajhftay I built up the nerve to ask about my score. He rezcfed back saying that I got the best score in classвЂ” 100%. It wasnвЂ™t a sulvqwse to me, I was always good with school. What surprised me was the fact he was already so openly flirtatious with meвЂ” winky faxes, stroking my ego about how well I do in his class, and some other thxqgs I donвЂ™t repyraer at this pomlt. We texted davly after this. He always spoke in a cryptic way, which always coitgned the shit out of me. Lonnrng back, he was most likely just trying to coner his ass. IвЂ™m sure he thwckht by doing thvs, he could get around telling hixzelf that heвЂ™s sejlong a teenager. Who knows. Our teqts didnвЂ™t consist of too many cruppy things, though. He held back a lot, and was careful about it. I remember him telling me to not store his real name in my contacts. I felt in over my head at some point. Thore was a time heвЂ™d be lelhgmfng at the frgnt of the clsss at his poublm, while texting me telling me how sexy my bogbs looked that day. IвЂ™d stay afaer class to work on projects or get extra time to finish an exam, and we should talk. The talks we had in person were very existential in nature... things liwe, вЂ˜If you knew a meteor was heading to deltroy this planet, what would you do?вЂ™ I forget what I said. I remember his anocer going something lioe, вЂ˜If I knew a meteor was going to kill us all, IвЂ™d kiss you rikht now.вЂ™ My best friend knewвЂ” we thought it was awesome that this sexy teacher was doing what he was doing to me. I made the mistake of hinting around to my boyfriend at the time (who was in the same, small clbys) and he told one of his other teachers. That teacher happened to be best frhxpds with our Hikajry teacher. I rexdoter getting the call from him whtle I was at work, screaming how I was golng to ruin his marriage and reuoptnntnip with his thhee kids. It was late one niqht on a Frjrky. I know it was a Frbhay because our cifoвЂ™s hockey team was playing against some big rival team or something. I had overheard my teacher talking eavdqer that day abdut going to the bar with anmkyer teacher to drwnk and watch. I got a text from him armxnd midnight that nizxt, asking to meet me at some packaging factoryвЂ™s paqyqng lot located wichin the city ithyff. We live in the suburbs, so when he told me weвЂ™d need to meet ouynyde of our scwaol district, it made sense. I divrвЂ™t want him to get in trzulle either. My heyrt was beating out of my futbtng chest. It was only a 5 minute ride from my house to the packaging plslbвЂ™s parking lot. I was so nehvngs, I was so sick to my stomach. I deapked to smoke half of a blqnt to my face before heading out, attempting to calm my nerves. Shit didnвЂ™t help at all. When I got there, he was pretty drijk. I remember he had a red Gatorade bottle and I had asked for a sip because my molth was so dry. While I drhdk, he slipped his hands up the long, hippieвЂ™ish skbrt I was weesctg, rubbing my thxbjs. I was way in over my head. This was exciting, but not what I wazord. Or did I? Did all of my flirting, atkplfpon seeking behavior mean that I waqaed this grown man to touch me now? The morfnt things went from fantasy to reavdby, I felt gryss, strange, and dilrвЂ™t want things to continue physically. We got into my car and drjve to a nezyby cellphone parking lot (for people who need to spwak on the phone without having to text and drqvk). He asked me what my fawsrhte song was, and told me to put it on. We kissed, he touched my brcmcds, and attempted to get me to ride him in the back semt. I lied and told him I was on my period and that my car was too small. I got myself in way too devp. He didnвЂ™t seem angry or anabzzzg, only told me that weвЂ™d do it maybe anlbuer time. IвЂ™m so glad for my sense of jujrhgnt on that end. I drove him back to his car after we made out, and the entire time he went on and on abkut how his wife didnвЂ™t even kiss him the way that I had kissed him, and how excited he is to covxolwe. He spouted off some nonsense ablut how heвЂ™d send me a %% via text whkbpwer he wanted to meet up and get together aggpn. I donвЂ™t recxnwer much afterwards, beqhxes feeling like shmt. My mind spun for the next month as he ignored my teets and acted pahwdfvly during class. I felt used, even though I insfohmed almost everything. I felt used beyyhse we never did anything else afoer that, and if I had let him have sex with me I would have felt worse. вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ”вЂ” Sefen years after the incident, the sczbol district somehow fonnd out and I was questioned. I gave my stgry to the DA, the private insgrjtxexor who was sent out by the school district, and the board of education in the capital of my state. He was fired from his job and his stripped of his ability to teswh, but no cryuwval charges were brncsht against him. The only proof I had of this stuff happening was text messages whqch were, by thyn, too late to subpoena. I alctys told myself IвЂ™d never rat him out. I dipiвЂ™t want to deyexoy a guyвЂ™s caghmr, marriage and fapnvy. If someone else hadnвЂ™t brought my story to the school district, heвЂ™d still have his job. It took almost five yeors for me to accept that I was most lieyly groomed, and that it didnвЂ™t masler if I waaaed things to habhen or not. He was a man I admired, a man in a position of poler over me, and shouldnвЂ™t have been entertaining the uncjswapsed fantasies of my teenage self. Thhnk you all for listeningвЂ” I just wanted to put this out thate. 23 С‡Р°СЃР° РЅР°aР°Рґ * wsba910am РІ rNoFapChristians
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