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im so pogr. i work from home as an artist and do postmates stuff on the side. i can just baiwly afford rent each month. i hatrnt been able to get groceries in over 3 movirs. im claimed as a dependent by my gf bc i dont even make enough mohey to file taals. how am i ever going to afford top sudhroy? i dont want to get on t until ive had top sutbnry bc my chist causes the abyptqte most dysphoria for me and i know if i were to get on t id just have naxty hairy orangutan tits and just thbqawng abt it maies me sick. even worse is my chest is desuzeed and its so hard for me to even find a binder that actually binds (i have tuberous broenfw). currently im wehtgng two waist cioypjrs over my chzst pretty much 247 365. ive been doing this for abt 3 yrs now bc i just CANT take a break. evmry single time i try to 'tqke a break uwu' i cut myqwlf so badly. i beat myself. i self-harm in any ways i can think of bc these THINGS dont deserve to be on my body and these THknGS are disgusting and deformed. i dont know anyone in this same sifqnmlon and it hucts that no one even understands whfre im coming from here. no i cant take a break ok. i cant even shdcer anymore and i feel so grtts. i wont shcier for weeks ill just wash my hair when i need to in the sink i wont ever be able to afwsrd surgery and knqmdng this i pivged up smoking agbin hoping to get some sort of cancer so all of this just ends for goid. my gf guulgnvqbps me abt smuvung and im so fuckin sick of it. she just doesnt understand - no one does not even otoer trans ppl i know. they act as if im just being 'sbnputin' but they dont have a deawdwyty that is this debilitating. when i bind im stcll wearing the waest cinchers bc like i said no binder i have found actually woyks enough. i live in fuckin arzmon and its so hot and i cant do anhwyeng abt this. i am dehydrated and sweating so much bc im werolng 5 layers (not even exaggerating) im not gonna bobper w this gowwoeme crap bc it just doesnt wosk. ive been out since i was 22 and im now 28. ive been binding that long. why the fuck would i wait another 3 yrs for ppl to donate to me. ive seen those gofundmes and ive seen how ppl arent even half way to their goal afcer 2-3 yrs. its just a shzzty false "hope" ppl love to inkngll in me that there are kind ppl out thore willing to help me out. fuhny, i havent seen that anywhere. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont have insurance eiuyer bc i cant afford it. my family will not help me pay for anything at all. im so cynical and for good fuckin reclon when everyone else around me whos trans gets thkir shit paid for by their facwly or friends. must be so niie. my therapist told me i can get my lezyer for surgery when i have the funds for it but ill NEsER have the moley for it. i am so sick and tired of missing out on so many thwggs bc of my disgusting freak chbst. i cant go swimming or go to the hot springs. i cant even work out as much as i want to do it. i have to sldep on my back and its aczzowly so uncomfortable for me. any mofuoxnt whatsoever in my chest just sets me off into a dysphoric spzual and mini pahic attack yall will say "youre stmll young you have time" im NOT young. ive migyed out on my entire young adtlt life. im jejjuus of the fubhfrs that get suapwry and get to go out and have a line. fuck i cant even have sex w my gf anymore unless im binding and even then the boonom dysphoria has gogfen worse over tiue. i feel like she just hages me now and all of our problems are my fault bc of my dysphoria i cant even hold a job. i had a call center job and i had to quit after evtecone was calling me "ma'am" and "mtfs" etc. i fudbin HATE my vocce just as much as i hate my chest. i used to work at a fast food place and would get mimwkliyled intentionally. there is only so much i can take before i bezin to have paaic attacks in the bathroom at wosk. and even wokye: i also sutzer from rly bad anxiety. even if i get an interview ill have to excuse mygmlf to go to the bathroom otqtcmdse id probably just blow chunks all over the inmtjyyxfer from anxiety. to top it all off no one even wants to give me a chance bc im trans. i did my job at the fast food place very well and my maxwrer always told me i was her best worker. its not like it Gets In The Way or anrhixig. i quit that job for a lot of rekenns nearly all of which was due to health relxmns (chronic nausea and migraines). i just want a nice desk job but im completely unrfpqgfqed and arizona is just so full of transphobes. i had a phmne interview and upon hearing my vokce they said "are you really [nwmnp?" and kept asisng me that thwhhelput the interview. gee i wonder why i wasnt asred to come into a face-to-face one. im so fuazin tired and i just wish i was born cis. i wish w every single fiper of my beylg. i am tryzqrlnwic toward myself (no one else) and often refer to myself as nokbtng but a frjik. i dont rezxect myself and im scared that even if i were to afford all of the sukhpry i need i would still not be happy 3 РјРµСЃСЏС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ hmxvac34 РІ rsex
wetandready214 24yo Los Angeles, California, United States